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Archive for the ‘Living together’ Category

Ira (the interviewer):  “Kurt Braunohler met his girlfriend on the third day of college. And in all of the ways that we think of what makes for a good relationship, I think that they were doing better than you, or me, or most people. They had a lot of fun together. They could talk about anything. They didn’t really fight. Happy sex life.”

Kurt (the interviewed):  “Well, after we had both turned 30, one day I just kind of was thinking about why we had never talked about getting married. We had never, ever talked about it, seriously or otherwise. And whenever anyone would ask us, we would always just kind of brush it off and say, oh, we’ll get married when we have kids. That’s what we would always say.

And I remember, we were sitting in the living room and it was October. And I just said, hey, I want to talk. And I said, why do you think we haven’t gotten married yet, or even talked about it? And she just kind of like looked at me and thought for a second. And then she said, well, I think that before we get married, we should probably sleep with other people.

And you would imagine that would come as a huge shock to me, like hit me hard. But for some reason it made sense to me. I was like, OK, very calmly. And I guess the reason– …”

Is this NPR interview as crazy to you as it is to me?  My cousins heard the whole interview on Valentine’s Day of all days!  I can’t imagine why someone thought this would be a great Valentine’s Day interview.  Wow!  No romance or happy endings here.  Just mixed up logic that will lead both Kurt and his ex-girlfriend into very sad futures.  I’d like to think this was an extreme example of our “free thinking” society, but I have a feeling it’s not that rare.

There are so many things wrong with the thought process of Kurt and his….I’m not sure what to call her.  They had the interviewer, Ira, a little fooled into thinking they had this great relationship.  For instance, her comment about their relationship, “I think that they were doing better than you, or me, or most people”.  Really?  Most people would have taken one look at their relationship and thought there was something wrong with people who “date” for 13 years.  Another one of her comments was “they could talk about anything”.  Uh, Ira, apparently not, since marriage hadn’t even been mentioned after 13 years of dating.  And then, when marriage was mentioned, his girlfriend (a term I have to use lightly) wanted to sleep with more people!  Shouldn’t she be saying, “Yes. I’ve spent the last 13 years getting to know you and falling in love with you.”  I certainly didn’t expect her to say “After 13 years, I’ve decided I haven’t slept with enough people”.   Somehow sex with other people became the way to get to know each better.  What messed up logic?!  Sex with each other obviously didn’t help them.  Maybe that should have been their first clue that sex has very little to do with intimacy, love, and commitment.  Kurt said “it (sleeping with other people) made sense” to him.  I wish I had been the interviewer.  I’m dying to know why he thought that made sense!

Where did they learn this and how in the world did they really think this would work?  How will it effect their future relationships?  From the interview, we know what theory Kurt gleaned from this experience.  He now feels he needs a way out after the magic number of 7 years.  Good luck with that, Kurt!

Someone gave me this advice in College: “Don’t date someone you wouldn’t marry.”  Total opposite of Kurt and his ex’s advice to sleep around as much as you can before you settle down for 7 years.  At first, I thought the advice was a little crazy.  What about dating around?  Finding what you want?  You’re not (necessarily) going to marry the first or second or third person you date.  I think they were wanting me to really think about who I was dating and why.  It was the mind-set that was really important.  It was good advice and it definitely effected the way I dated.

At the end of the interview, Ira finally gave poor Kurt some valuable advice, there is “comfort in marriage”.  Marriage is so much more than a commitment to your spouse.  It’s a commitment to the institution of marriage.

Here’s the link if you’d like to hear the whole interview:  http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/457/what-i-did-for-love

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