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This is something close to my heart.   Church life was (and still is) very important to me.  It was my social life during my 14 single years after college.  I read an article once chastising the church for not being “singles friendly”.  It was actually titled, “Making Your Church ‘Singles Friendly’”.   It made me feel like the awkward kid in school that the teacher wanted everyone to be nice to.  It inspired me to write a rebuttal article that went something like this:

The experience of other single Christians, whether they be never married singles, divorced singles, or widowed singles, may be similar to mine.  As a never-married single, I had never felt part of a congregation.  I couldn’t understand it.  I was very active…in the singles group.  I went on ever singles retreat, camp outs, and ski trips.  I even organized singles events.  I was there every Sunday in the singles class and weekly Bible Studies.  We even had a ministry within the single ministry.  We had our own shepherd/elder and even a budget from the church.  Why, then, did I feel I was missing out on something?  Was the Church not being “singles friendly”?

Thankfully, I realized this problem was my problem and not the church’s.  When I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture, I found myself in what was really just an older “youth group” with “youth group” expectations and responsibilities.  I took a look around at the ministry leaders, teachers, and other servants filling the needs in the Church.  Many were around my age and some were younger.  The only difference was that they were married.  I have no doubt that the apostle Paul would wonder why that should make any difference at all!  It certainly didn’t for him.  There isn’t any mention of him leading a singles group around by the hand.  Quite the contrary.  Paul says to the Corinthians that unmarried men should be concerned only with how they can please the Lord (1 Corinthians 8:32) and unmarried women should aim at being devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit (1 Corinthians 8:34).  These Scriptures told me that I should be actively involved in the Lord’s affairs (I Corinthians 8:32 and 34) and not my own.  I was supposed to be teaching classes and heading up ministries for the church body, not only for singles.

Now that I had a realization of the incredible responsibility, what was I to do?  Confining myself to the singles group was keeping me from participation with the church body.  I found 5 different ways that helped me to become more involved, and they might help you, too. 

1) I recommend becoming active in a ladies or men’ bible study and/or other activity groups during the week (e.g. secret sisters, sports group, ladies and men’t retreats, volunteer days).  It’s important to attend church pot lucks and other gatherings because attending these is a good start toward getting to know your church family. 

2) Use the gifts God gave you to help or lead ministries within the congregation.  Finding where talents lie can be difficult, but there are always ministries in need of help.  More than likely there are ministries praying for someone to get involved and maybe even take over.  I teamed up with another single and we taught a children’s class every other term.  There is always a need for teachers and this is a great way to get to know the precious children in your congregation and their parents.

3) Stop limiting yourself to attending only singles classes.  Attend a class Sunday morning or Wednesday night with an interesting subject.  Choose the class, don’t let the class choose you! 

Last, and I believe most important, be consistent in attending church assemblies.  Remember the responsibilities as a church member to attend services and classes, to contribute to the collection plate, to teach classes, and to help in the church assemblies in prayer, communion, and song.  By showing that you are true and serious  about your faith, the congregation will see you as an integral part of God’s family and not just a single in the singles’ ministry.

Marriage isn’t the key to being an active member of your church.There is a need for Christian singles to come together for activities outside of church services, but that must not interfere with the worship, study, and fellowship with our church families.  This maybe the time in your life when you have the most time and many times, the most money (husbands and children are time consuming and expensive!).

As a single, you are responsible for only yourself.  Take advantage of this time in life to concentrate on your relationship with God.  It’s the perfect time to grow stronger in faith and learn more of what Gods will is for your life.  A spouse does not complete you.  Someone once told me, “Someone who learns to serve others in singleness, will be better equipped to serve in marriage.”  I agree!


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I hope it’s okay to blog about a blog.  Eden’s last blog, “Too Busy to Date?”, got me thinking.  I really feel for Katie.  It’s quite an unfair thing to tell someone that has a successful business…very successful, that they are too busy to meet someone.  She built a business from the ground up that grows exponentially every year.  I would think any guy worth their salt would be impressed.  Katie isn’t waiting around for her life to “start”.   Many married people (especially ones that married young) truly believe your membership in life begins when you get married.  Not true!   If you’re not careful you can begin to believe that you haven’t quite arrived.  That thought could keep you from so many things.  Activities that could actually keep you from meeting someone.  I didn’t sit around for 13 years waiting to get married so my life could begin.  I worked.  I traveled.  I was an active church member and not a church ministry (I’ll write more about this last one in a near future blog.)  Marriage was definitely something I wanted and for which I prayed.  It was hard to meet a single guy and not think, “Is this guy husband material”?   It just didn’t stop me from living.


Katie’s business does not lend itself to meeting young men.  I’m sure it’s the reason people feel she should not spend so much time on her business.  She meets only parents and their children.  My work was the same way.  A friend once said guys probably thought I was married with kids.  Fortunately, they were wrong.  I did meet my husband through work, indirectly.  We never would have meet if it hadn’t been for my job.  I don’t personally know someone who met their husband at work.  Meetings happened by chance, by computer, by family, by friends, and through church.   One of my friends even met her husband at our cities annual Old City fair.  Becoming less busy is not the way too meet someone.  Enjoy everyday.  Live life to the fullest in every stage of life!   


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We’ve been there

We are three women who jumped the stats charts. We were unmarried women in our 20s, and then our 30s. Now we are part of the married crowd, but we know that there are women out there like we once were.  We desired marriage, but found the path toward it to be confusing and difficult for all kinds of reasons.

If you desire marriage–even if you’re sometimes afraid to admit it–and are finding the unmarried road challenging, this blog is for you.  We know that road and its challenges, and we want to come alongside you and help you walk toward successful marriage.  We don’t have all the answers, but we know where to get a few of them.  We also believe that marriage is a good thing, and that the desire you have for a husband and marriage is good and natural.

Our goal with this blog is to encourage you along the way to successful marriage (ie. through good times and bad for as long as you both shall live). It will be our privilege to walk with you, and we can’t wait to get started. Let us know what you’d like to talk about.

Eden, Ellen, and Jones

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